I Didn’t Choose.

Alright, so I hope no one hates me for writing this blog. I just really feel as though it needs to be said.

I am part of a few FANTASTIC special support groups online for ASD, ACC, Special Needs, etc… These groups are a bunch of fantastic women that listen to when you bitch, congratulate your kid whenever they meet a milestone, and cry with you when you are not so sure of yourself and just need to let it all out. They don’t judge, they don’t preach, and they just get it. While they may not have the same diagnosis, they understand what it is like to have a child who may not be developing typically and sometimes they may have it worse off than you can ever imagine.

Lately, I have been seeing a meme that reads, “I don’t know how you do it,” with the response, “I didn’t know I had a choice.”

Hold up, wait a minute.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Caregivers… etc… Don’t sell yourselves short! You hear me? Just don’t.

While we don’t get to make these choices of whether or not we choose to have a child who has special needs, we DO have the choice of what we do with that info.
Just like no one can pick and choose the gender of their child, the eye color, hair color, sexual orientation, etc… etc.. etc… we have a choice of how we raise our kids.

I CHOSE to be the best mom that I could possibly be. I CHOSE to put my child into Early Intervention. I CHOSE to pursue the doctors because I knew that something was different. I CHOSE to seek out ABA. I CHOSE to find things that my daughter could do. I CHOSE.

While what I thought parenthood would be like is completely different than what I imagined, I think we can all say that we have heard friends and family say the same exact thing about their neuro-typical child.

Yes, we have a lot of things that we have to worry about and I am not trying to sell myself or anyone else short of the challenges we face daily. A lot of people if they were put in our shoes may not be able to handle certain situations, I get it. There are somedays I question myself if I can even handle it.

I guess what I am trying to say is yes, while we didn’t choose this, we do have a choice of what we do with that child. Just like any parent, you can be a good one or a shitty one. You get to make that choice regardless if your child is special needs or not.

And I am not saying I don’t get annoyed when I have heard someone say they don’t know if they could handle my daughter but you know what? It’s not their problem. And she is not a burden in which you have made her to seem. I don’t know if I could handle your child. You know the one that constantly talks back to you? The one who tells you off? The one that gets into trouble? Maybe we just were born to handle different things. My daughter is not an inconvenience. She is not something that I didn’t choose to have. She is just different. And different is AWESOME.

So in conclusion before you sell yourselves short just take this into consideration. Yes, this may not be your dream or what you imagined it to be. It is hard, really hard. But you are doing a great job! And while you didn’t choose to have a special needs child, you chose to be the best parent you possibly could be.

And that is a beautiful choice.

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